why would my husband rather masterbate than have sex with me?
i’ve recently discoverd my husband and father to my 4 kids has been looking @ porn and masterbating several times a week. I feel completley betrayed because 2 dor three years ago i cought him sneaking around doing this and i told him how much it hurt my feelings. he promised not to do it agian…why is it important enough to do it even when he knows it’s such a big deal to me. I am always here and always aivalable to him. we have sex 3-4 times a week and I never turn him down? why would he rather masterbate than be with me?is he thinking of the women in the porn when he’s with me? to me this feels like cheating? please help me understand this…. its tearing me up inside and taking a major toll on my marriage
please help
Leann
1 hour ago – 3 days left to answer.
Additional Details
1 hour ago
yes thank you for understanding. i do want to be the only one to turn him on. and i do offer to watch porn with him.and to get him off. why not choose me???
1 hour ago
when and if i do masterbate it’s only because having sex is not an option any time soon.not when he’s lying in the next room
34 minutes ago
why do only the guys think my feelings are important here?
*Sigh* This is going to sound sexist but it is the easiest way to example it: You’re a women. You do not understand guys. Looking at porn and masturbating is needed constantly unless if you want to be walking around with an erection during work, and other times. You should not feel offended, it just means your husband has a strong sexual urge and he needs it more often. The women in porn mean nothing other than a way to get "excited".
The reason why he wouldn’t go to you and do it himself? He probably doesn’t want to bug you so much asking for sex. If you are really feeling offended and if you can’t get over the fact he is doing it, then you initiate the sex. Just "grab the bull by the horns" if you catch my drift. Try different things to spice it up.
But try not to feel offended that he looks at porn… it is a guy thing.
Quick question
1. would you want him to fuck other women
or just masturbate.
Some men like porn.
Maybe you guys need to spice up your sex-life and so something interesting.
Talk to him about it.
Sometimes men like to masturbate….I mean some of them would like to have sex 4 x a day.
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relax. masturbation is natural behavior. It provides stress relief and other things. relax.
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*Sigh* This is going to sound sexist but it is the easiest way to example it: You’re a women. You do not understand guys. Looking at porn and masturbating is needed constantly unless if you want to be walking around with an erection during work, and other times. You should not feel offended, it just means your husband has a strong sexual urge and he needs it more often. The women in porn mean nothing other than a way to get "excited".
The reason why he wouldn’t go to you and do it himself? He probably doesn’t want to bug you so much asking for sex. If you are really feeling offended and if you can’t get over the fact he is doing it, then you initiate the sex. Just "grab the bull by the horns" if you catch my drift. Try different things to spice it up.
But try not to feel offended that he looks at porn… it is a guy thing.
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U should probably ask him for sex more often than the other way around. Maybe he thinks u don’t like it as much as u do and that is why he might be masturbating. Hope I helped and good luck.
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That is an interesting question. I think that there are a couple of things to consider.
First of all… pornography is a stimulant. You can be addicted to it. The same is true with an orgasm.
But pornography probably provides for him a fantasy that maybe you are not willing to fulfill, or he is simply to afraid to ask you to fulfill. Maybe he doesnt want to feel disrespectful to you. Maybe he doesnt want to use you like a whore. You are someone he loves, and maybe you have been elevated beyond that.
There are only so many ways you can react:
1. Judgementally. This will only serve to make him more careful to hide his behavior. Masturbation is a normal human function, and pretty much all men do it (even married men). This will only lead to you feeling hurt and betrayed, and probably creating a type of shame in him over a normal activity, which will only create a rift in your relationship.
2. Ignore it. Equally bad option. Because it hurts your feelings. It is a part of his sex life that you are not a part of, and that bothers you. It is a reasonable emotion for you, his wife.
3. If it is an addiction and compulsion… counseling. Not just for him. For both of you. You need to understand him, he needs to understand you, you both need to come to grips with this. You arent communicating in a healthy manner right now, you are being judgemental, and he is reacting by shutting down and shutting out all communication.
4. Interact! Maybe you need to engage him in this issue in a constructive manner? As I said… he is fulfilling a fantasy. He loves you, or he would not have married you. But you have him afraid to make you party to this. Maybe you need to let him know that you are available to him when he is feeling a little randy and needs to get his groove on. But maybe he just wants to get it done and over with, and masturbation is a quick, relatively easy to clean, effort to engage in. So maybe you should join in. Maybe you can both lock a door, and watch each other masturbate. Maybe you can help him masturbate. Maybe you can ask him what fantasy porn allows him to explore, and to ask him to include you?
I sincerely hope that you both consider the last two in combination. Because you need to communicate. You need to learn how to communicate.
Just proceed with this kernal of info… the way you both feel is perfectly healthy. Its your communication that needs work.
Live long and love hard! And love each other.
Goodnight!
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Personally I had that problem too but told him he can either have me and spice up our sex life or have his hand and I can use HIS money to hire myself a toy boy to fill his spot. And u really gotta back up ur words even if u r just talking out ur @ss.
.
But if u want him to stop fantasisin about the porn stars then try to atleast fix ur self up a bit to play the part I dont mean breast implants and things like that. Just maybe lose the excess hair and tone away the baby bump and things like that.
After 13 years I can make my man lose it still just with one flick of my wrist
Your hubby could be watching it because there is something in their he likes to c but is afraid to ask u to do. My hubby wanted it in another region but was so sure I would say no and didnt want to be termed gay. Hes a homophobe but turns out we both enjoy it so no worries.
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